Holy Cow
TWO COWS PHILOSOPHY
> *SOCIALISM *
> You have 2 cows.
> You give one to your neighbour.
>
> *COMMUNISM *
> You have 2 cows.
> The State takes both and gives you some milk.
>
> *FASCISM *
> You have 2 cows.
> The State takes both and sells you some milk.
>
> *NAZISM *
> You have 2 cows.
> The State takes both and shoots you.
>
> *BUREAUCRATISM *
> You have 2 cows.
> The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.
>
> *TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM *
> You have two cows.
> You sell one and buy a bull.
> Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
> You sell them and retire on the income.
>
> *AN AMERICAN CORPORATION *
> You have two cows.
> You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
> Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
>
> *ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM *
> You have two cows.
> You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
> The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
> The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
> You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
> No balance sheet provided with the release.
> The public then buys your bull.
>
> *A FRENCH CORPORATION *
> You have two cows.
> You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
>
> *A JAPANESE CORPORATION *
> You have two cows.
> You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
> You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.
>
> *A GERMAN CORPORATION *
> You have two cows.
> You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
>
> *AN ITALIAN CORPORATION *
> You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
> You decide to have lunch.
>
> *A RUSSIAN CORPORATION *
> You have two cows.
> You count them and learn you have five cows.
> You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
> You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
> You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
>
> *A SWISS CORPORATION *
> You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you.
> You charge the owners for storing them.
>
> *A CHINESE CORPORATION *
> You have two cows.
> You have 300 people milking them.
> You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
> You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
>
> *AN INDIAN CORPORATION *
> You have two cows.
> You worship them.
>
> *A BRITISH CORPORATION *
> You have two cows.
> Both are mad.
>
> *AN IRAQI CORPORATION *
> Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
> You tell them that you have none.
> No-one believes you, so they bomb the sh1t out of you and invade your country.
> You still have no cows, but at least now you are a Democracy.
>
> *AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION *
> You have two cows.
> The one on the left looks very attractive.
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